Perpetual bearer bond — Series I — issued on Solana

Useful

One thousand million bonds

This certifies that the bearer receives, automatically and in perpetuity, a proportional coupon paid in Useless Coin, funded by a three per cent tax on every transfer of this bond, on any venue, and sent to the wallet holding it. Nothing is claimed. Nothing is signed. Nothing is asked of you.

No. 000000001 · No maturity · No principal · Coupon paid in kind · Issued via StonkFun

Nobody in Particular

Chief Executive Officer

The Program

Paying agent

Coupons are paid to the bearer. No detachment necessary.

1Paid in Useless

2Paid in Useless

3Paid in Useless

4Paid in Useless

5Paid in Useless

∞And onward

Acquire a bond Swap on Jupiter Read the prospectus

Priced against Useless Coin. Arriving with SOL is fine — the route goes through Useless.

Contract address

PASTE_YOUR_MINT_ADDRESS_HERE

Check this against the explorer before you buy. Imitations of this bond will exist within the hour and will look identical.

Statement of coupons paid
Useless Coin distributed to date	awaiting first coupon
Coupons paid	0
Bonds outstanding	1,000,000,000
Wallets paid last coupon	—
Transfer tax, every venue	3.00%
Minimum holding to receive a coupon	$20
Value created since inception	$0.00

What the instrument actually does

Three movements. None of them require you, and none of them require us.

Fees accrue

Three per cent of every transfer of Useful is withheld at the token level — buys, sells, wallet to wallet, any venue, no exceptions. Nobody is consulted and nobody can opt out, including us.

The pot fills

The withheld tax accumulates until it is worth the cost of paying out, then converts to Useless Coin. Roughly two and a half per cent is deducted to cover the network cost of distributing. There is no calendar and no promised date.

III

The coupon lands

Balances are snapshotted at that moment and the Useless is sent pro-rata to every wallet holding at least twenty dollars of Useful. You do not claim it, connect anything, or sign anything.

0Useful actions performed

The button beside this counter performs a useful action. Press it as often as you wish.

The coupon, and what it is not

The coupon is not interest, not a dividend, and not a promise. It is whatever the transfer tax happened to collect, divided by whoever happened to be holding at the moment it was paid. In a quiet week it is close to nothing. There is no floor under it and no schedule that obliges it.

This bond holds no reserve. Nothing accumulates behind it, so there is nothing to redeem and nothing backing the price. The tax is withheld in Useful and converted to pay the coupon, which means the coupon is funded by selling the bond that pays it. We would rather write that sentence ourselves than have you discover it.

Useless distributed, all coupons

—

no coupon paid yet

Historic, not forecast. This figure describes what has already happened and predicts nothing whatsoever about what happens next.

Prospectus and risk factors

Read this part. It is the only part written without a joke underneath it.

The coupon is paid in a memecoin that describes itself as useless. It is not being modest.
There is no reserve, no backing and no floor. The bond can fall to zero and the coupon can stop entirely, both quietly and without anybody being at fault.
The coupon depends wholly on trading volume, which is unpredictable and usually declining. Any coupon you have received says nothing about the next one, and there may not be a next one.
You are exposed twice to the same market. This bond is priced against Useless Coin, so if Useless falls, the coupon you receive and the bond you hold fall together, and the bond is best understood as a leveraged position on Useless rather than an independent asset.
The three per cent tax applies to every transfer, including moving your own tokens between your own wallets. Round trips are expensive and short-term trading is a losing structure by design.
The coupon is funded by converting withheld Useful into Useless, which is continuous sell pressure on this bond. The mechanism that pays you is the mechanism that weighs on the price.
Coupons are paid only to wallets holding at least twenty dollars at the instant of the snapshot. Falling below that line at the wrong moment means receiving nothing for that coupon, with no appeal and no back-payment.
This bond confers no ownership of any company, no governance right, no revenue share, no seat at any table, and no recourse against anyone.
Past performance says nothing about future performance. Present performance says very little either.
Nothing on this page is investment advice, an offer, or a solicitation. We are not licensed to give advice and would not be good at it.
Verify the mint authority, the freeze authority, the liquidity lock and the redemption path yourself, on chain, before believing a single sentence above.

Officers of the issue

Office	Holder	Powers
Chief Executive	Nobody in Particular	May speak publicly. May not touch the fee wallet.
Paying agent	StonkFun	Withholds, converts, snapshots, sends. The routine is the platform's, not ours, and we cannot alter it.
Chief Uselessness Officer	Vacant	Conferred automatically on the largest holder. Confers nothing.
Head of Research	Position eliminated	There was nothing to research.

Questions from the floor

Is this a joke?

The premise is a joke. The mechanism is real and the coupons land. Both statements are true at once, and that is the entire point of the thing.

Why not just buy Useless Coin directly?

You absolutely can, and for most people that is the simpler trade. You would then have to do the buying yourself, at times of your own choosing, which is work. You would also not be paid in it, which is the part we cannot help you with.

What is the tax, and where does it go?

Three per cent of every transfer, withheld at the token level by the Token-2022 standard, on every venue. It converts to Useless Coin and goes to holders, less roughly two and a half per cent taken to cover the network cost of sending thousands of payments. The pool itself charges a separate one per cent trading fee.

Why is the price quoted in Useless and not dollars?

Because Useless Coin is the pair this bond is issued against, so the pool is Useful against Useless. If Useless rises and this bond holds its ratio, it rises in dollars with it. That works in reverse just as reliably, and it is the main thing to understand before buying.

Do I have to claim anything?

No. The coupon is sent to the wallet holding the bond. If your wallet has never held Useless Coin, the first payment opens a token account for you and the small rent cost comes out of the distribution fee, not out of you.

Is there a minimum holding to be paid?

Twenty dollars of Useful, measured at the moment the coupon is sent. There has to be a line somewhere — paying dust to thousands of wallets costs more in network fees than the dust is worth — and this is where the platform draws it.

When is the next coupon?

Unknown, and deliberately so. The pot pays out when it is large enough to be worth the cost of distributing, which depends entirely on trading volume. Quiet weeks mean long gaps. Nobody can promise you a date, and anyone who does is guessing.

What if I hold on an exchange?

Then the exchange holds the bond, the exchange receives the coupon, and you almost certainly never see it. Hold in a wallet you control or expect nothing. Note also that this is a Token-2022 mint, so some venues and tools will not support it at all.

Can the team take the fees instead of distributing them?

We never hold the tax. It is withheld by the token program itself and distributed by StonkFun's payout wallet, and every coupon is a public transaction you can trace to your own address. Do not take that on trust — it is checkable on chain in under two minutes, and you should spend the two minutes.

What happens if Useless Coin goes to zero?

The coupon is worth zero, the bond is worth zero, and the joke will have been completed exactly as written.

Are you affiliated with Useless Coin?

No, and Useless owes us nothing and has promised us nothing. You can look it up on CoinMarketCap yourself. But this bond is issued against Useless, so every purchase made with anything other than Useless routes through a real market buy of it first. Money entering here passes through there on the way. That is not an arrangement, it is just how the pair works.

Useful PASTE_YOUR_MINT_ADDRESS_HERE Acquire